"Live and don't learn, that's us."

Back in Costa Rica, Dan told me that it's not the act of making mistakes which people should regret - it's our failiure to learn from them, and therefore, keep making them. But what if you make a mistake so long ago that you've forgotten the lesson it's taught you? I get that feeling when I think about a situation I've gotten myself into with someone I met here. I can't really remember the last time I thought about actually being forward and active in expressing an intent that I had towards someone and now I'm starting to relearn the ins and outs of that horrible business. It's so messy, and imprecise, something that I as a scientist just can't really stand. It's not like I can predict quantifiably what someone may or may not do when I approach them and try to chat them up to befriend them or even eventually ask them out. It all seems so random.

I keep thinking of Paulina. I think I might have grossly offended her and that that may be the reason why I can't get in touch with her even though I've sent her countless emails and left many, many messages both at her house and on her cell phone. I really did try to get in touch with her before I moved to Fredericton; unlike many of my friends which I ended up shunning, I really did try to spend some time with her. But I ended up getting nothing. Maybe she's going through another hard time (also quite likely) but maybe she would have told me. The only way I could have grossly offended her that I can think of is leaving without giving her a proper goodbye, but it's hard to say goodbye to someone if they're not around.

Well. I suppose I'll try again.

In other news, I haven't gotten anything from Counselling Services yet. And yes, I think I'm still interested in that. It's something that might help, at least. And something's better than nothing, anyway. Oh yes, and we finally have the heating system installed. Now they need to balance it or something. I'm not sure - all I know is that it still doesn't work.

Let it stay...

Well, let's go over what I have:

- a roof over my head
- food (sometimes, provided I synchronize my life to the dining hall's schedule)

Let's go over what I don't have:

- laundry
- dishwasher
- heating
- telephone
- Internet access
- window curtains
- shower curtain
- a social life

I realize that it'll all be hunky-dory in a few months' time when this is all done, but I really don't care right now at this point where things are promised to be in a few months' time - I only really give a damn about the way things are now. And right now things really don't look so good.

The last few days have been really grating on me. And it's not just the lack of amenties which is frustrating me; it's just the general string of frustration which seems to be coming at me non-stop. It's nothing terribly substantially major, just things which build up over time, more and more. If it's not one thing, it's something else, and if it's not something else, it's something extra.

But there's one more thing. I'm completely, and totally alone. I've made aquaintances with one person, but she's hardly in a position where she's to fend for herself: she's got her family with her, as do many other people in the building. And for the people who don't, they're all wonderfully chummy with the others on their floor or in their suite.

Today, my roommate and I did some shopping for some essentials and it really hit home just how much of a disadvantage I am without a car. Ever moreso without a driver's license. This whole driver's license thing is starting to really get to me again - and while on the one hand I have a reasonably valid excuse for not having one, on the other hand I really don't. Stress, stress, stress. When will it ever end? Will it ever end?